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Thread: Critique Wanted - The Sniper Page 4

  1. #1

    Critique Wanted - The Sniper Page 4

    Un-inked page from a comic based on a short story titled "The Sniper" by Liam O'Flaherty. All critiques welcome, but I have a question specifically about the readability from Panel 1 to 2. Panel 2 is supposed to be the match strike directly below panel 1 but I can see if a reader gets confused if they were to read left to right and see the intentional panel 3, with him smoking his cig, as panel 2. Let me know if you get confused by this and I'll do some work to fix it. Thank you!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    West Coast Canada
    Yes it is confusing. Panel 1- His eyes and that line (on the wall?) LEAD us directly to the panel to the right.
    Cool stuff though

  3. #3
    Japanese comics can do that because their language reads top to bottom first. English reads left to right first. We can stack on the right but not on the left.

    As a smoker, I can tell you that:
    1-Matchbooks are becoming harder and harder to find
    2-Ads go on the outside not the inside
    3-That's not how you strike a match
    4-The strike pad hasn't been on the front of the book for 30 years or more

    Consider a good, old fashioned, Zippo which should be clearly shown in pn 1.

    What you call pn 3 has to go! It and pn 4 are attempted suicide.

    There's an old smoker's superstition from wartime that we still jokingly adhere to to this day. NEVER light 3 cigs off the same match or flame. Lighting the match catches the sniper's eye. Cig one, the sniper zeros in. Cig two, he takes aim. Cig 3... that guy gets his head blown off. Moral of story: HIDE the flame! This is not a candle light vigil.

    Pn 1- Establish cig and match/lighter clearly. Pn2- Show ignition from smokers POV with hands cupped around it. Pn 3- Completely hide both flame and cig tip behind cupped hands allowing the glow to indicate the action. Now he's sneaky like a sniper.

    Pick a wall height and stick to it. First it's at eye level, then just above the head, then 15 feet tall. Only one of those heights can be correct


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