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Thread: Hours Short Story pt 2

  1. #1
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    Pencilling Hours Short Story pt 2

    Hope you all enjoy.














  2. #2
    Looka good! My only real complaint is shelves are way too big. And I'm not sure what's happening on the first page

  3. #3
    Perspective is more than lines radiating from a point. It's about scale over distance.

    Perspective starts with two educated decisions and everything else is dominoes falling down

    IF Wounded-man™ AND the horizon are correct, THEN everything else in the drawing is wrong.

    The woman is twice as tall as Wounded-man™, the door is too short, the shelves too high, shelf count needs to double, get kick plate to ankle height, reduce jars to a size than can be lifted by normal humans. If you can't go to the store, do an image search for grocery shelves.

    Note: ANY two starting decisions the artist makes are automatically correct. You could just as easily decide the woman and the door are correct and you'd be right BUT, again, everything else in the drawing would then be wrong.



    According to YOU the blue line below has a 90º bend and all the red lines are straight. If we look we see this is untrue. What happened? You broke the perspective which breaks the drawing. IF there's an horizon in the shot, THEN you can employ 1pt, 2pt or 4pt perspective but NEVER 3pt. This is NOT optional! IF there's a VP below the horizon (and you said there is) THEN there MUST be a VP above! Again, this is NOT optional!

    You can:
    Raise or lower the horizon out of the frame
    Go 4 pt which means all straight lines must curve (huge headache and time killer)
    Drop the 3rd pt and go 1 pt or 2 point


  4. #4
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    Wow...Great advice....My 2-cents from the hip...loose the halo effect...it kills a story for most readers all the time...just some thought...
    Keep that pencil busy!
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  5. #5
    Looks good. I do love that splash panel with the woman stabbing the man.

  6. #6
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    Thanks so much for all the awesome advice, im using everything i learn from you all to get better. How's my story telling though? Can you all follow it? what can i do to improve the story telling aspect?

  7. #7
    Modesto, CA 1979 EddieChingLives's Avatar
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    Page 1 - Not sure what has happened to the guy on the floor. He appears to be dead and stabbed in the mouth with something. Solid backgrounds. Nice shot layouts. A nit pick is the rolled up sleeves looks like you didn't use reference. The cloth should be more flowing, and less hevily blotted black. Backgrounds, figures=good. Clarity=needs work.

    Page 2 - These first three panels are the weakest of all the pages. The shoulder-to-elbow length changes throughout each panel. Not sure if you were going for foreshortening or something, but this is where using reference would help! His neck to shoulders look like there's no structure. Like you drew the shirt first. The rest of the panels on the page look really solid. I especially like the above shot. Your work reminds me of Rob Guillory's work on the Chew comic. His stuff is exaggerated, but the muscular structure frame is there. Your work just needs some refining, which comes with practice. Your storytelling instincts and shot structure is REALLY solid!!!

    Page 3 - Those first two panels. I think the insert panels, and how the second drops, takes me out of the story. I think having those two panels take up the top row would be more effective. And that first panel looks like he's been standing there for a while. I think a more walking pose would help with the transition from page 2 to page 3 and the transition between these two panels. And what is happening in that last shot? Is she stabbing him? Is she ripping out his throat? I also would skip the perspective lettering for now. It can be done more effectively in the lettering stage. Clarity=needs work. Shot struckture = very good.

    Page 4 - Good stuff, but panel 3 (or possibly 4) should have the figure running, to help with the transition between panels.

    Page 5 - That first panel, those three planes are flying in unison! Precise! Hell yeah! Then the next panel, they seem to drift off, almost in different directions. I think they should still be flying in unision, but you have one going up, one going down, and one going left, without solid unsion streams leading into the divide. Makes for a slight rough transition.

    Page 6 - Solid. The thing that sticks out the most is that third panel. Maybe a different angle would show the tackle better. And I don't know what's going on with her right butt. She's smuggling something in that panel.

    Last page - I think the poses of the girl and younger girl are too similar in each panel. Perhaps the older one should be comforting the little one a little bit more in the last panel.

    Hope I wasn't too harsh with you. Just trying to point out where to improve on, transition wise. Some suggestions. You have great instincts, and great structure on how to put backgrounds in various panels. Solid stuff. Almost publishable. Smooth some of those transitions out a little more, draw from life a little more, work on the neck, collarbone, shoulder, arm, elbow area. Keep up the great work! Panel variety is great! You're right there dude! You're about 4-6 issues away from breaking out to the next level.

  8. #8
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    Thank you for the advice, all of you, I'm doing all I can to improve as much as I can. Thanks again.

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