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Thread: HELIOPAUSE pages 1-3 thumbs

  1. #1
    Member michaelsammler's Avatar
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    HELIOPAUSE pages 1-3 thumbs

    Ideas and crits welcome.
    Page 2 character looks left then right. I was thinking looking right to left to show looking back, and then right to left for moving forward. But it feels a bit jarring?




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    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    Looks like in page 1.. a spaceman attached to some kind..ray gun or future device...Then of course...I fall out of the story...I'm not sure what's What...
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  3. #3
    Straight Outta a Comic Book [SUPPORTER] Symson's Avatar
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    PAGE 1
    This page should be your establishing shot. Sadly, not much is established. Are we outside the structure? Are we inside the structure? Is this the future for the past?


    PAGE 2
    Panel one

    We should see some detail that was present in the establishing shot so we can orientate ourselves to what he is viewing.

    After this, the storytelling pretty much falls apart because nothing seems connected to each other. There are no transitional panels. New objects just keep popping into the scene. And we still have no idea where he's at or what he is doing.
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    Member michaelsammler's Avatar
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    OK. I took your guys advice and some advice from a friend reading my story. I inked the inside cover, and redid page 1 and 2. Tightened up the pencils a bit so hopefully this is easier to read. Ooops. Just noticed I left the text in on the inside cover. Oh well.


    EDIT: I forgot. Page 2 (3rd image) panel one is not supposed to be reversed. I did the lighting backwords. I flipped the values and am re penciling it now.





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  5. #5
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    I'd say your on target...way better story telling
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  6. #6
    Member michaelsammler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bryan E.Warner View Post
    I'd say your on target...way better story telling
    Thanks Warner. I forgot there was another Oregonian on here. You headed to Portland Comicon this Septmeber? Image has a dance party I'm taking my wife too. Should be a good shin dig.
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  7. #7
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by michaelsammler View Post
    Thanks Warner. I forgot there was another Oregonian on here. You headed to Portland Comicon this Septmeber? Image has a dance party I'm taking my wife too. Should be a good shin dig.
    WE shall see..My Mom pasted away in Jan...September 8th was her B-Day...and my Oldest Son is born on the 18th of that...I'm 57 and things don't usually turn out for me...( I bet you can relate )..but if opportunity...I've been working on a comic colab...owner of the Local Comic Shot..GeekGeekNerdNerd...I thinks the name...I Bet Chris Columbus Will be there...The out fit is the best...Thanks there Michael......hah! my oldest daughter is making me a grandpa ...1st time for her.....OOPS! sorry...got distracted..On the ComiCon..well see ..I'm a key worker...I have to see what my Vacation time is after that dang 2 minute Eclipse...You Know..Keep That Pencil Busy!
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  8. #8
    Member michaelsammler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bryan E.Warner View Post
    WE shall see..My Mom pasted away in Jan...September 8th was her B-Day...and my Oldest Son is born on the 18th of that...I'm 57 and things don't usually turn out for me...( I bet you can relate )..but if opportunity...I've been working on a comic colab...owner of the Local Comic Shot..GeekGeekNerdNerd...I thinks the name...I Bet Chris Columbus Will be there...The out fit is the best...Thanks there Michael......hah! my oldest daughter is making me a grandpa ...1st time for her.....OOPS! sorry...got distracted..On the ComiCon..well see ..I'm a key worker...I have to see what my Vacation time is after that dang 2 minute Eclipse...You Know..Keep That Pencil Busy!

    My condolences, man.
    Glad to hear the rest of the family is doing pretty darn good. Congrats grandpa. I am only a grand uncle (of 3). Not a bad place to be though :-)

    Just checked tickets. Early bird specials all sold out, but everything else is still available.
    https://rosecitycomiccon.com/buy-tickets/

    And inking away. I plan on coloring and maybe some color holds to look like god rays, or reverse god rays? I think those are called shadows though...

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  9. #9
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    I tell you your inks pop this...I definitely get a out in space feeling...and I love the Zip-a-tone effect...man I used a bit of it back in the day...have not seen any for quite a spell lol
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  10. #10
    Member michaelsammler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bryan E.Warner View Post
    I tell you your inks pop this...I definitely get a out in space feeling...and I love the Zip-a-tone effect...man I used a bit of it back in the day...have not seen any for quite a spell lol
    I took a two week manga course in Japan last month. I had never used tone. So after trying some tone sheet, I was shown how to use it in clip studio paint. It is incredibly simple in that program. Just select, add tone layer, or tone gradient. Then touch it up with a paint brush or eraser. Kind of retro looking which I like.
    I have been seeing it in Sean Murphey's work and Greg Tocchini.


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