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  1. #1
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    page 3


  2. #2
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    Sequentials belong in Sequentials. Moving...
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  3. #3
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    Is there a lot of dialogue in the second panel? If not there is a lot of dead space with the ocean. I would have the focus, the city/castle be farther down. If you have something small in the panel, having something opposite that is large will help balance the composition. So: something small in the top right corner, then something large in the bottom left. It will also lead the viewers eye to the girl in panel #3.
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    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    This is interesting...you'd think there would be some kind cover for the gal... Chris has said pretty much what I was thinking...
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    I hear ya Veritas. Thanks Bryan. Let's see here...

  6. #6
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    Yeah, looks better to me. In the second panel, a swoop line showing the ship banking toward the castle from orbit might help lead the viewer's eye to the ship.

    In the third panel, is she expecting the ship? Does she hear it? What is the significance of the barrel? What does the logo on it mean?

    I ask these questions cause I always try to set up plot stuff early so it makes sense when it shows up later. Little hints that help sell the actions later to viewers that might be hard to show in one panel.
    Last edited by Veritas71; 05-30-2017 at 08:07 PM.
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  7. #7
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    A swoop line is a great idea.

    She is actually on board the ship, meditating after a mission she's returning from. The barrel is supposed to hint at her pirate/privateer ways. The logo shows an icon of a potent superfood. The other items are to hint at her character.

    So I'm looking to orientate the readers to her.

    Others have thought she was in the castle too. I might redo the panel, or maybe it would be fun reveal later...

  8. #8
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    Hmmmm. A lower angled camera shot might help, or maybe make the floor a metal grate. I would surround her in techie stuff. Things that would be in a cargo hold (makes sense with the barrels). Maybe even make the barrels more hi tech. Like the containers in Aliens, that allowed huge walkers to grab them. That kinda thing.
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  9. #9
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    I like those ideas. Variant # 1...

  10. #10
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    better...your not making a lot of effort,,but improving..
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