And here's my entry...
Like I've said previously - changed this so many times... Originally I had the main characters discuss their plans in her apartment, but had to cut for space. Also cut the bit where there was a different leader of the rebels, and then he's ripped to pieces by the masses when they find out the power is off and that they'd slowly die - that's where the "As long as you die first" line came from.
Just not sure about the final line of dialogue - should I cut this? And too much dialogue on some other pages...
A woman, working to overthrow a totalitarian regime, is tortured after she's caught. She claims innocence, but The Man (and video evidence) says otherwise. And The Man has robot torturers to assist him. But then the bots power down, just as they were about to torture her again, and she frees herself. She takes out The Man, and then has to wait for her partner in crime to open the door, for them to rule this brave new world together.
- The woman – Ria – skinny from malnourishment. Short hairstyle. Helena Bonham Carter if you want.
- The Man – older male in his 50’s/60’s. Sam L Jackson if you want.
- The bots – headless/faceless bipedal bots.
- The Manageress – Ophelia - older female in her 40’s. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Simmons if you want.
- The Elder – Barain Obhu – the last president of the country that used to be the USA, now only one city remains of this. (Morgan Freeman)
- Ric – Ria’s brother - Rico Wayd. (Edward Norton as a skinhead with a beard)
- Inside a torture chamber in the building’s sub-basement.
- Flashbacks to the Frail Elder car wing of a high-rise building.
Page 1 (4 panels):
Establishing shot of the city of the future skyline with its gleaming towers and what looks like cloud cover, but actually smog. This is a backdrop panel, so art should bleed to the edges of the page – from the skyline above, and then the dirty, smoggy street level of the underclasses. This panel goes to the bottom of the page, showing section of city from the top to dirty bottom. The other panels are stacked below this one. If space allows there can be flying cars above, but normal wheeled cars below at the bottom of this backdrop panel, maybe with a police drone or two. Note to colorist – was thinking of having this take place at sunset or rise, so lot of yellow, gold/orange/red colors above, going down to darker greys and blues below.
1. Caption (top left):
NewTopia, the only remaining city in what used to be the USA.
2. Speech balloon (no tail) - Ria (right side of panel):
No! Not agai--
Extreme close-up on Ria’s face, as she’s in the chair, screaming. There’s a metal cap on her head, similar to this (http://www.dga.org/Craft/DGAQ/All-Ar...640&h=360&as=1), just a bit more streamlined. Wires force her eyes and mouth open, and there are metal tendrils going into her mouth.
3. SFX (around the tendrils in her mouth):
4. Speech balloon - Ria (burst):
Zoomed out, we see Ria and we see she’s actually strapped down into a reclining metal & plastic chair – similar to this (https://burrellosubmarinemovies.file...errogation.jpg ). Behind the chair, on the left & right of it - we should see 2 bots – faceless, standing by. At the foot side of the chair we see The Man sitting in a chair, looking at Ria & talking. We see what she’s wearing – a long grey bodystocking, covering her torso, shoulders and upper legs. With probes and wiring going into the chest and stomach area of the clothing she’s wearing.
5. Speech balloon - Ria:Please…
Ria, I can make it stop anytime…
6. Speech balloon – The Man:
POV from above, showing Ria and The Man, as well as now 2 bots. Ria’s talking, looking at The Man.
7. Speech balloon - Ria:I’ve told you everything… I swear…
Oh, I’m not quite so sure.
8. Speech balloon – The Man:
9. Linked speech balloon – The Man:
10. Linked speech balloon- Ria (burst):
Page 2 (6 panels):
All the panels in this page should have wavy/different panel borders from the last page, to indicate this is a flashback.
Panel showing Ria and a manager of an old-age center where she’s found work. They are standing in a non-descript office. The manageress is dressed in a pantsuit. Ria is dressed in a white disposable caretaker’s/nurse’s outfit.
1. Caption (top left):I…I…started at the Frail Care wing just after the New Year.
Looks like everything’s in place - DNA samples, background checks and contract.
2. Speech balloon – The Woman:
You’ve been hired to look after our eldest resident.
3. Linked speech balloon – The Woman:
Yes ma’am, thank you ma’am…
4. Speech balloon - Ria:
5. Linked speech balloon – The Woman:
The manageress and Ria are now standing in front of an elderly African-American man, who is sitting down. Go for some Morgan Freeman if you want, just more wrinkled and wisps of white hair on his head.
6. Speech balloon – The Woman:Here he is – Mr Obhu
He does not care for assistance by robotic help - that is why you are here.
7. Linked speech balloon – The Woman:
Ria is bending down to be closer to eye-level with the elderly man, her hand reached out to his. His hand is not raised yet.
8. Speech balloon - Ria:Good afternoon, sir.
Don’t be discouraged if he doesn’t acknowledge you--
9. Speech balloon – The Woman:
Over the shoulder shot from behind Ria showing the elderly man, his hand now grasping hers.
10. Speech balloon – Elder:Now, now Mrs O…
I‘ll shake hands with just about any…person.
11. Linked speech balloon – Elder:
Just not the damn robots you keep on bringing to take “care” of me…
12. Linked speech balloon – Elder:
Panel showing Ria taking a tray with plates still overflowing with food into the kitchen, where bots are working. Should be fairly modern, so lots of white tile and stainless steel. A waste chute should be visible on the right-hand side of the panel, labelled as such as well.
13. Caption (top left):The worst wasn’t the treatment I got, but having to throw out real food day after day…
14. Computer lettering over waste chute door:
Panel showing Ria (in dirty street clothes, wearing a big patched trench coat) walking away from the building, but at ground level – so dirty and smoggy. The building behind her, shining in the dirtiness, is where she works. And the entrance should be protected by 2 bots on either side of the metal doors, similar to the ones shown before. Above the entrance should be the words - Cloud Towers. On the right-hand side of the panel please show the waste spout from the building where she worked. And there’s a small crowd of people waiting around this, with plastic bags and bins. On the building there should be cameras and in the sky around the building there should be flying drones, taking pictures and video of everything.
15. Caption (top left):…while people were starving outside...
And constantly living in fear...
16. Caption (below previous caption):
17. Computer lettering above entrance:
Mommy, I’m so hungry…
18. Speech balloon – Crowd:
Quick! Get it before the recycle bots arrive!
19. Speech balloon – Crowd:
20. Computer lettering over waste spout:
So just why did you work there at all?
21. Caption (top right):
Page 3 (7 panels):
Only the first & fourth panels to have a wavy/different panel border - to indicate these are flashbacks.
Panel showing Ria standing by huge floor to ceiling windows, still dressed in her white disposable caretaker’s/nurse’s outfit, looking out at the clouds (smog actually) just beneath the floor she’s in. This makes it look like she’s above the clouds.
1. Caption (top left):It was…the view… It felt like I was…up in the clouds.
Back to the small room, similar to the last panel on Page 1, Ria lying down, strapped in, while the old man on the right of the chair slams his fist down on the chair Ria is lying on. The bots should be at least partially visible at the top of the panel.
2. Speech balloon – The Man (burst):Bull!
We have the video footage!
3. Linked speech balloon – The Man:
4. SFX (where his fist strikes the chair):
Close-up on Ria’s face as she acts surprised.
5. Speech balloon – Ria:What?
6. Linked speech balloon – Ria:
7. Linked speech balloon – Ria:
Back to a flashback panel, showing Ria near the sleeping Elder & she has his wrist/hand in hers, as she places it on a handheld device with LED lights and with a square fingerprint reader on the top. Note to letterer - on the right of the screen I’d like a bit of text pasted, to show a log of sorts.
8. Tail-less speech balloon – The Man:Look!
What did you upload?
9. Linked tail-less speech balloon – The Man:
10. Computer lettering – to the right of the panel:
2036/02/13 @ 23:17:34
Fingerprint authenticated: Barain Obhu
File uploaded to ClouDrive
Back to normal panels from here on, with a side-view of Ria, still strapped in the chair, and The Man, shouting at her.
11. Speech balloon – Ria:Nothing! It’s not what it looks like!
We’ll have to see about that!
12. Speech balloon – The Man:
Bots! Code 007.
13. Linked speech balloon – The Man:
On Ria again, as she shouts when the 2 bots move closer to her.
14. Speech balloon – Ria (burst):
Small inset panel of Ria’s face as a sharp object draws blood on her cheek.
15. Offpanel speech balloon – Bot (radio):Starting incision on subjec--
Page 4 (6 panels):
Panel showing Ria still strapped into the reclining chair, but the robots that were flanking her chair has now powered off! So they’re in the process of bowing down from the waist, going into power-down mode, so need some motion lines for this. Their long, thin robotic fingers are still spread out over Ria’s lap and arms. And now Ria has a smile on her face, as she’s been waiting for this to happen. On the right side of the panel The Man is still sitting, shocked. The lighting in this panel should be darker than the previous or next panels.
1. SFX (near Ria’s hands):Snap!
What the hell just happened?
2. Speech balloon – The Man:
3. SFX (near the man’s pocket):
Close-up on The Man as he answers his phone – he’s standing, and with his back turned to the chair. He’s holding the phone in front of his body, busy with a video call, and is illuminated by the glow coming off his phone. The phone should be like Tony Stark’s phone in Iron Man 2, just to show this is not the same time period as now - http://androidnewgames.com/wp-conten...pt-625x330.jpg
4. Speech balloon – The Man:What?! Explosion at the power plant?!
Dammit, she wasn’t working alone!
5. Linked speech balloon – The Man:
Close-up on Ria, as she’s loosened herself from the chair. And in her hands, we see pieces of the bot’s tentacle fingers that she used to slice the straps holding her.
6. Speech balloon – Ria:At…
7. Speech balloon – Ria:
8. Speech balloon – Ria:
Ria is coming closer to The Man, who’s still standing on the right of the panel. She’s holding up one of the tentacle fingers up at him.
9. Speech balloon – Ria:So, my little upload finally worked…
The power’s off - no one’s coming to rescue you…
10. Linked speech balloon – Ria:
But the air, water and food systems… The security systems - we’ll all die!
11. Speech balloon – The Man:
Close-up on The Man, as Ria is using a piece of the bot’s tentacle fingers to give the man a similar cut to his face that she got!
12. Speech balloon – Ria:As long as you die first…
This is payback for everything all of you has ever done to me…us...
13. Linked speech balloon – Ria:
Insert panel, with just the lettering below arranged from top to bottom.
Page 5 (4 panels):
Similar panel to P4, panel 1, but now The (dead) Man is lying on the chair, with the tentacle knife sticking out of his forehead. Robots still bowing, offline. Ria is on the right side of the panel, holding The Man’s phone in front of her & dialing. She is illuminated by the glow coming off it as well.
1. Speech balloon – Ria:Finally!
Hey little brother…
2. Linked speech balloon – Ria:
D’you think the oppressed masses will buy this look?
3. Linked speech balloon – Ria:
Panel showing a video-chat app-like window, with the main screen showing the person Ria is talking to Ric, her brother. Then a smaller window on the right of the screen/panel shows Ria, with her bloodied face. Note to letterer - above this side window there should be some call-related data info, to be done by computer lettering.
4. Speech balloon – Ric:
Ria, where the hell did they take you?!
5. Speech balloon – Ria:
The Cloud Tower sub-basements, and pretty sure there are a lot of other persons of interest here as well. Not that we'll be freeing them of course...
6. Linked speech balloon – Ric:
Everything is going just as you planned – with the bots and life support systems off, the people are rising up…
7. Linked speech balloon – Ria:
Great. I take it you still have full access to the system through the virus I uploaded?
8. Computer lettering – above Ria’s chat window.
Name: Riannon Wayd
History: No crimes, no misdemeanors.
DNA check: Confirmed.
Ria is standing by the exit door of the room, with her hand on the handle. Next to it should be a fingerprint reader, with a sign on it that shows it is still “Locked”.
9. Speech balloon – Ria:Let’s meet at the Power Plant, to livestream switching on the power – then we’ll be the ones ruling.
Ric, open the door.
10. Linked speech balloon – Ria:
11. Computer lettering (over fingerprint reader):
Close-up on Ric, smiling.
12. Speech balloon – Ric:Sorry sis, was just thinking about that…
Why shouldn't I be the ruler? Something I’ve learned from you, big sis – you always looked out for yourself, the rest of us always came second...
13. Linked speech balloon – Ric:
14. Linked speech balloon – Ric:And one more thing - watch out for the bots, when the power comes back on, they’ll resume with their last command.