Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Spidey Sample, 3 page script by Iron Syndicate

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    West Coast Canada
    Posts
    47

    Spidey Sample, 3 page script by Iron Syndicate

    Here's a 3 page sample script
    Spiderman: "Responsibility and Power"
    Sample script written by Itai Rosenbaum, a.k.a. Iron Syndicate
    http://www.penciljack.com/forum/showthread.php?69252-Spider-Man-3-Pager&p=724666#post724666






  2. #2
    Looks good. I like the poses, and the shading is well done.

  3. #3
    I may get into trouble here as the pics aren't showing and I'm running off last night's memories. Hope I have the right post.

    While there are interesting bits here and there, bits are all we have and none of them tie together.

    Page one is a collection of different, unconnected, scenarios with every shot a different person in a different costume. Is your model for Pete: Pee Wee Herman, Andre the Giant, Tom Cruise...? You've got all of them and more. Pick one, any one (except Andre the Giant) and stick with it.

    Page two is not true. You told us that Spidey is standing against a brick wall with no one behind him. The reader has the right to a reliable narrator.

    The characters on page three do not match up to those on one and two. How did they get on a hill? Add the "thwip" to panel one, remove panels two and three and now you'll have space to explain how Spidey went from fighting a croc in the sewer to standing over a fallen bishop in the Vatican.

    We need story, not pictures. What we have is purely digital: disparate, unconnected bits that have no relationship to one another. We want analog: an uninterrupted stream of information with each panel building on the one before and leading us into that which follows. That's storytelling.

    A writer can tell you that Spidey fights the Lizard in a sewer, who wins, whether it's a struggle but, that's it. How it plays out is none of the writers business. How it plays out is entirely up to you. You are not paid to draw anymore than the writer is paid to type; those are simply the tools we use to do our job. Your job is telling the story. All we have here is pictures.

  4. #4
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    West Coast Canada
    Posts
    47
    ouch
    thanks for your crit Smitty
    when my butt stops hurting i'll rework this

  5. #5
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    West Coast Canada
    Posts
    47
    rework in progress




  6. #6
    Much better. Spidey's much more consistant.

    When doing action shots, show us the full figure. When drawing the figure in motion, point hips and shoulders in opposite directions. Watch your 180 rule (that which is on the left, stays on the left; that which is on the right stays on the right.) Beware 5D space. The Lizard cannot stand in panel 2 as indicated because the Lizard is not immaterial. The Lizard cannot stand inside the walls, he must stand inside the tunnel.

    If Spidey looks across the tunnel on the last panel of page 1, then he's looking across the tunnel on pg 2. Show the wall not the tube.

    Spiders have 8 legs. Do not confuse bad drawing and incompetent design for history or canon.

    While pages are not a strict 2x3 proportion, they're pretty close. Your pages are too wide. Red areas are those that would get chopped off at the printer. Below is Marvel's official page specs (as of 2002, anyone got anything newer, please share)

    Jim Shooters $1.98 Storytelling Lecture








Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •