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Thread: 3 Pages of new story

  1. #11
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    This is going very well...
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  2. #12

  3. #13
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    Looking Cool...
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  4. #14
    Last panel on page 3 a little closer to finished:


  5. #15

  6. #16
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    There are a lot of middle shots. I would pull back on the first panel and show the whole scene. Right now the extra head doesn't make sense without the body it is separated from. Maybe even showing her picking up the van/cutting it in half (the dude driving it needs to go too, obviously, ).
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  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Veritas71 View Post
    There are a lot of middle shots. I would pull back on the first panel and show the whole scene. Right now the extra head doesn't make sense without the body it is separated from. Maybe even showing her picking up the van/cutting it in half (the dude driving it needs to go too, obviously, ).

    thanks, yeah, I'm going to add a few more body parts into that shot. I'm trying to get across that the bodies are basically being liquified. I'll need to work on making it more obvious. Also thinking about just having the truck burning in the background. At this point I don't want to actually show her doing anything... just get the idea that she's moving very fast.



    And this will be the final page of the sequence:
    Last edited by RonB; 02-10-2017 at 04:47 PM.

  8. #18
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    Yeah, I like to do the last panel first. Gives me a target to shoot for. I like the uninterested sheep in the background, like it's just another day...
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  9. #19
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    This is pretty cool Ron
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  10. #20
    Crystal clear storytelling. LOVE the balloons. The "evisceration" shot is a bit limp and could use more tension. I'd separate Dad's feet in the last panel (post "fertilizer" comment) for a more casual pose. Not a wide spread "at ease" pose but a slight separation with the left leg slightly forward. Make sure to plant the rake handle on the ground and at an angle to the body to avoid the "statue" look.



    On a purely personal note, I don't think the pince-nez specs work on that character. Pince-nez are long out of fashion and aren't really for wearing as much as pulling out for a momentary look and then putting them back in your pocket.

    "Take her by... HA!" Great line.
    Last edited by Smitty; 02-11-2017 at 10:59 PM. Reason: Added pic

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