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Thread: WAR PAINT sequential sample

  1. #1

    Pencilling WAR PAINT sequential sample

    Cover and five pages -- Let me say right off the bat, that this is a comic I'm creating to appeal to a niche audience, and I have no interest in trying to make it a household name. With that said, I have a thick skin, and would appreciate some feedback.

    After the sample is my pitch and credits, and a link to my website.










    "War Paint" follows a graffiti writing saboteur on a mission to further instigate an ongoing rebellion in a corporate police state.

    It's a morally complex narrative that puts readers in a position where they'll have to decide for themselves whether or not they support his methods.

    Our story takes place about 40 years from present day, where our corrupt political system has devolved into a plutocratic dictatorship that struck down an armed civilian resistance about a decade prior. There's martial law, curfews, rioting, militarized police, closed borders, and military checkpoints dividing large impoverished districts from those more fortunate.

    Known only by his tag name, "Antai Hirow" is a highly intelligent, brooding loner with zero respect for The State and the status quo. He also has a terminal illness that may or may not be contributing to a psychological disorder on top of its alarming physical symptoms.

    This is where our androids come into play: our story will be navigating a grey area where our protagonist and our audience should never be completely certain as to whether or not they are actually automatons, or just a spiteful image he's projecting onto others.

    At the end of the day, he's a flawed character who feels propelled to help sabotage an established authority, who seized absolute power at the expense of the greater good.

    -Created by Travis J Gibbs
    -Plot by Elijah Nodd
    -Pencils by Jay A DeFoy
    -Inks and dialogue by Travis J Gibbs

    Travis is a self-taught visual artist and performance poet from New London, CT. "War Paint" is a narrative based on his ongoing gallery installation that has showcased in New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, Rhode Island, and Connecticut.



    Website: www.ant1her0.com

  2. #2
    The Gozerian MLaw's Avatar
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    This should really either be 2 separate posts or be in the Hype section. If you want the pages to be crit'd then hey, this is the right place but if the whole point is the pitch, then it should be over there.

    For an actual crit, I'll keep it light since I'm not sure that's really what you're here for. Your draftsmanship is good but your anatomy and perspective is all over the place. That typeface is really hard to read.

    Also, which member of the team are you? You really should be posting your contribution or if you're not doing pencils, make it clear that these are your finishes over DeFoy's.. The forum has a rule about posting the work of others for crit, so just try to make sure you're following the guidelines.
    I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. ~Pablo Picasso

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  3. #3
    I'm Travis -- the creator, co-writer, and inker. The cover, and two concept art pieces at the bottom are solely mine. I posted the pitch so anyone who cared to read it would have a better understanding of the over-all concept. I'm new here -- everyone was credited for the finished work, and it's the finished work I'm showing here, so I didn't feel this post was misleading.

  4. #4
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    The Font hurts my eyes....making it hard for this old artist to read..
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  5. #5
    I can't find a way to post high def images to this forum -- if you're interested, you can read it on deviant art here:

    http://ant1-her0-project.deviantart....-one-647295137

    The link to the next page is available in the text section, making it easier to navigate.

  6. #6
    The Gozerian MLaw's Avatar
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    It's not about misleading. This section is for crits. You can "show off" your stuff here but it's not really the intended purpose. This isn't really a pat on the back dump all like Deviant Art. There is a section for Hype and as this is presented, that seems like where it belongs to me.

    As to the credit.. also not about misleading.. though it was confusing since you identified who did what but not who you are. Again, for crits.. if you didn't do the pencils then we need to know that we're critting the finishes. Likewise, if you are posting your inks with someone else's color, we need to know so we don't crit the colors. So, in this instance, you did the inks.. so the perspective isn't really necessarily your fault. We can point out though, things like the rendering style being a little muddy in a few places. I do like that kind of hatching but with it being at like 50% grey, it sort of turns into a grey field in a few places. There's a giant ... billboard? in a panel that is a waste of space as well. While you didn't do the layout, you probably could've stood to either render it or at least break it up with some of that fog/steam.

    The scale on the top piece that is entirely you.. The proportions are waaaay off on the figures and then the scale of the figures within the environment.

    Since you're Travis, that means you chose that font. Please, don't use Impact or similar in small sizes. It's not a compact font and the kerning gets really weird when it's tight like that. Here.. http://www.dafont.com/search.php?q=Comic Look for one that is legible, impact is not.

    Lastly.. The initial post comes across as a bit combative.. your replies are along those lines a little.. though I might be reading the tone wrong. Take a breath. This isn't that kind of place just as much as it is also not Deviant Art, Conceptart.org, etc. Relax, post art, get crits.

    If you don't know what I was saying when I said to post your pitch as a Hype post.. That's here:
    http://www.penciljack.com/forum/foru...Bulletin-Board
    Just tag it with a Hype tag when you create the topic.

    AAAAND.. I think I forgot to say welcome to PJ..
    I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. ~Pablo Picasso

    my deviantart
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  7. #7
    I'll keep practicing as I always do, but by the tone of your critiques, I expected to be impressed by the only link I could find to your work. I'll be sure to try the other forum also. Thanks for checking it out!

  8. #8
    The Gozerian MLaw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antai Hirow View Post
    I'll keep practicing as I always do, but by the tone of your critiques, I expected to be impressed by the only link I could find to your work. I'll be sure to try the other forum also. Thanks for checking it out!
    You'll want the link to the old sketchbook in the first line of the new sketchbook. That said, most of the work I've done in the last year has been under NDA or is waiting to go to print and my clients typically don't let me post prior to that. As it stands, I was trying to be helpful. That's obviously not what you're here for so have a nice life.
    I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. ~Pablo Picasso

    my deviantart
    my sketchbook

  9. #9
    Everyone's a critic, brother -- I pay special attention to those who can lead by example. I saw that link, and we both know this is above the level of anything in that thread. Jay's had paid work by Rockstar Games and Zenoscope. Good luck with everything you're working on though.

  10. #10
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    This is Digital?...
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

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