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Thread: revenger page 15 layouts

  1. #1
    son of man golgotha's Avatar
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    revenger page 15 layouts

    here is my plan for page 15. the other pages can be seen here. http://delaneyclark.deviantart.com/g.../revenger-no-2
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  2. #2
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    P4 - doorknob is too high. Should be around waist high.

    P5 - I would have standing guy leaning over more to make room for the desk. The sitting guy is also really close to the desk. Uncomfortably close.
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  3. #3
    son of man golgotha's Avatar
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    thanks, i will correct that when i start drawing it. here is page 16 layouts.

    "when there's no more room in hell...the dead will walk the earth."

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  4. #4
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    You have some cool character designs and your story-telling is good, breaking the action down by panel.

    If I can offer some advice:

    Avoid characters looking straight at the reader. On page one: panels 1 (the building is straight on flat), 3 and 4 all have this issue. And on page two: panels 2,3, 4 (and 5 - is that a TV? show don't tell) are all looking directly at the reader. This causes flatness, and flatness is the enemy. Even moving the "camera eye" slightly either side to side or up and down can really go a long way.

    Hope that helps.

  5. #5
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    It took me a minute to realize it was a bug under the desk. To sell that our hero is listening in to the chief's conversation, split the cheif's dialogue up between the two panels. It will help bridge the two scenes together.

    Panel 5 is the only one I would change. Pull back and show him in his apartment instead of telling us. Give panel 6 a border of a tv instead of a straight box. It will help sell it, and have her say 'this is the nightly news', or something similar. Use the caption boxes sparingly if possible.
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  6. #6
    son of man golgotha's Avatar
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    thanks for the cool ideas
    "when there's no more room in hell...the dead will walk the earth."

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  7. #7
    son of man golgotha's Avatar
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    here is my pencils for page 15

    "when there's no more room in hell...the dead will walk the earth."

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  8. #8
    son of man golgotha's Avatar
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    page 16 pencils
    "when there's no more room in hell...the dead will walk the earth."

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  9. #9
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    I always enjoy your work... You got moxi
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  10. #10
    son of man golgotha's Avatar
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    do you notice the web page the crooked captain has on?
    "when there's no more room in hell...the dead will walk the earth."

    my drawings
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