Last edited by Almayer; 10-14-2016 at 05:11 PM.
Halos, Run Away!
I'll stick with what I said on the Cap pages in general: more slop, gesture, broken line, variable line weight.
BGs especially. The more you define something, the less like that something it becomes.
Pg1-p1 I don't believe that's a city. That's a page from a coloring book. 1-2 is a poster of a window, there's no depth between window and city. Pg2 looks like clip art. The island poster however could play as a real island. It has line variation, broken lines, avoids the "draw every leaf" look and gains verisimilitude as a result. See comments to Veritas Post 12 second pg.
New rule: Never use the line tool for line work in final pages. If you can't ink it freehand, use a smooth straight edge to prevent the smooth straight edge look. See comments to Klortho Posts 3 and 6
3-1 Your building walls are wafer thin. Get some weight and thickness in the cornice work on top. 3-3 The baby's room has become a closet with the crib a barrier in the door. Push crib back into the room. Preferably against the walls in a corner, two less directions the baby can crawl over and kill herself (and don't think they don't try at that age)
4-2/4/7/8 Avoid squaring up small, hand placed/dropped, items to the room. The clock and tissues are well placed, squaring up the bottle to the table looks false. The shoe has changed angles from previous page and is here at 90º to the victims body. The 40 (ish)º of the previous page is superior. The bat parallel to the bed, the paper parallel to the radiator draw unnatural attention to those items as though their perfect geometrical placement is a clue. You want to suggest chaos here, not order.
For your ever growing library of reference material, allow me to suggest "Rendering in Pen and Ink" by Arthur L. Guptill to aid your BG work.
Watch Batman's head length. Some of these border on children's proportions (brow 1/2 way when it should be eyes 1/2 way) Beware the Daredevil horned look. Ears attach to the side of the cowl not the top.
I'll answer properly in a pair of hours, but I need to draw this, ...
Now we're talkin'! More of THAT^ Love the hands in panel2.
He, he! Glad you liked it!
I'll finish the remaining pages doing the "experiments" on them. I'll retouch on these 5 only the minor things you pointed. I'm very concerned with the problem of the bgs lines. I saw that clipart look since I started drawing digital (years ago)and still don't know how to correct it; I think it's always the same problem of being afraid, as with the blacks and figure lines; but let's adopt this new rule. I'll try to find the book you suggest (another one!) and put it the first position on my read list with the one on perspective (that I started yesterday).
I guess I know what that "THAT" means... just to be more ME and less imitation of others. Draw free!
Last edited by Almayer; 10-15-2016 at 12:01 PM.
Damn good thread..from the both... keep coming please
It's difficult for me to find time these days. I'm with the pencils of the 6th page. I'm doing them loose as I'll try to detail while inking, and I'd like to receive corrections/suggestions before proceeding. I'll upload them asap!
Pencils for page 6. Not finished totally, I think I need to put some ambience on panel 2 (bg is too basic, no decoration in the room at all). The last panel has me in doubt about putting or not a background. It will be the interior of the closet again and it would be too much distracting.
Then, in panel 4, I was finishing the pencils when I realized that I have not put the cradle farther from the door (deeper inside the room)... But if I move it I'll have to change the entire panel! any solutions to that? By the way, this panel was made having in mind what I've been discussing with Smitty in the "How to lay the figure into the scene" thread on "Tips & Tech". Not so sure if I've done it well...
I've tried the keep it simple as much as I could, trying to maintain "THAT" . I'm not too happy with the result by now. Let's see when inked...
Please, give me your opinions, thanks!
First two pages retouched (slightly; I prefer to do so instead of a heavy retouch... I must go on with the pages!). So, in the first page I've retouched the first 2 panels in order to reduce the clipart/coloring book look, adding some textures and breaking some lines, and giving depth to the bg in panel 2 by using negative texture in the glass. It is the way I thought it was better to retouche this two panels, they surely would look better if done again. But with this it will be enough, I think.
On the second one, retouched the whole bg by adding texture and giving thickness to some lines. Then reduced the so loooooong Batman's head and his dare devil horns. Plus, I've given him some neck (he needed it!).
I don't understand exactly what Smitty says about the proportions on the child head... so I've not retouched it by now.
Al, I love ya but you may want to grab that jug of hard cider for this
1&3 - There's an old theater expression, "Sell it to the cheap seats," that means the folks in the back of the balcony can't see your face so you have to sell your emotions through body language. You've hidden the killer's face. To sell his panic to the cheap seats use panicked body language.
2 - Batman is saved by "The Black Square of Mystery™"... where'd that come from? If the story hinges on it then we need to see it before it's used. Because you pulled it out of nowhere you have to sell every bit of it, establish it, make it clear what it is and where it goes. It can be a kitchen counter, laundry room, xerox office, gateway to the Negative Zone but you have to define it. No fade-to-black here. You had 5 pages to get that in so now you have to make up for it by getting it all in here
5 - Floorplan, you have to have a floorplan. If not an establishing shot, a reference sketch so you know where things are. Panel 5 is impossible. Perhaps without realizing it, you've definitively placed Batman behind the killer. Batman must attack from behind. He doesn't have to use the "window". He could run out the door, grab a stool and bash the killer over the head. He could roll along the floor but, you put him two rooms away and you have to bring him back. He's not Nightcrawler.
Should Batman deliver a kick, "Action-full figure" Show Batman's foot on the ground and, more importantly, show the killer's feet off the ground. Because you have no break between silhouettes, you have a static pose rather than a slice of action.